This was some tricky crochet – not the stitches used, but the mindful manner in which I’m making this project. The prevailing message of this session is simple – you cannot deceive the universe.
Which is exactly what I attempted to do. Well, the Universe refused to let me.
When I began this special project everything was lovely. The cards were vibrant the colors were joyful. I felt inspired, and excited. Everything was peachy.
Until it wasn’t peachy – more like black and gray.
The internet is a breeding ground for deception. Everyone’s life looks wonderful in pictures. Everyone will post pictures that they have carefully staged to make them look incredible. The truth, is everything is not always perfect or the way that you very carefully planned it to be. Like my Mindful Mandala.
The fact that it was intended to be a meditative project so I could reflect on my love of crochet makes this all the more offensive.
Here is my confession.
I picked a color inspiration card that I didn’t like – so I stuck it back in the deck. Then the next card I picked I disliked even more! And sadly I skipped that one too. So the last section I posted on the Mandala Rows 16 – 24, were from a lovely happy card – not the cards I should have used.
This really bothered me. I told myself “Tami you’re being silly. Those cards would have ruined the vibe. Nobody would ever know!” Wrong – I knew. And I couldn’t shake the bad feeling that I had because of it. Ironically – well I guess there really is no irony when dealing with being Zen and the Universe – one of the cards was all about ego. My ego has made me say and do some very regrettable things in my life. It’s something I have been working very hard at controlling. Going back and using the ugly cards for my Mandala is part of checking my ego at the door.
The definitions of the cards is less relevant than the insight I’ve gained from this session. I was deceitful and dishonest – there is no dishonesty in crochet – either the pattern works or it doesn’t work, simple.
Mindful Mandala Osho Zen Tarot Color Inspiration Rounds 24 – 29
Was it really only 5 rounds?!? It felt like 500 rounds. The Universe was not letting me ‘off the hook’ easy with this session. Suddenly my counts weren’t right. I made some mistakes – there are some extra stitches in there. It was not all falling into place like I wanted it to. But that is part of life. Things don’t always add up to the number you want. Sometimes you pick ugly cards. My fallback strategy of ignoring things that make me uncomfortable, once again wasn’t the best plan. I left the mistakes in these rounds. I could have pulled them out and redid several rounds (I realized the miscount three rows after I did it).
But I want my Mindful Mandala to keep these imperfections to remind me of what happens when I try to hide from and ignore the ugly sides of my personality and the ugly sides of life.
I still have a long way to go on this project. I need to trust what I set out to do. This will most likely be the most beautiful thing that I ever crochet. And now it will be the most honest thing I ever crochet too. I don’t have that guilty, bad feeling anymore – and that is the most beautiful thing!
Thanks for reading!
Crochet Project Notes – Mindful Mandala
Time to give credit where credit is truly due!
Written pattern and designer credit – Crystals and Crochet